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A tea towel fit for a dominatrix

Sat. 14 Oct. 2017

When I saw this tea towel I simply could not resist buying it. I’m sure this comes as no surprise to regular readers of my News page. It is, indeed, a tea towel fit for a dominatrix, especially a dominatrix whose principal specialty is CBT.

The figure represented is none other than the Cerne Abbas Giant of Dorset: a figure carved into the landscape with chalk, just north of the village of Cerne Abbas, and around 90 kilometres south of Bristol. He’s quite impressive, being about 55 metres high, his erect member measuring some 11 metres.

The giant has, unsurprisingly, become the centre of much folklore, and it is apparently folklore that informs the text on the tea towel. This brings us to said text, which reads:

The Giant Man of Cerne Abbas stands out in chalk relief at Cerne Abbas in Dorset. He is nearly 2000 years old and represents the Celtic God of hunting and fertility, hence the huge club and 30 foot long appendage.

On May Day a sight line taken vertically up his well endowed phallus points to the rising sun. On the eve of this festive day the villagers entered the woods around the giant and having fullfilled their carnal desires, emerged bereft of garments and sparsley adorned themselves with foliage. It is still believed that a childless woman has only to prostrate herself at the giant’s mercy for her every wish to be granted.

During wartime the home guard camouflaged his private parts, believing enemy bombers used it to guide themselves to Bristol.

Please note that spelling errors in the text quoted above are in the original, and are not mine (i.e. “fullfilled”, and “sparsley”).

The giant’s symbolism is disputed, as is his age – he may be considerably younger than the “2000 years” cited in the tea towel’s text. As for those German bomber crews, they were a little ahead of their time if they were seeking CBT in Bristol; I would hope they’d make an appointment in the usual way in future.

And, upon reading the Wikipedia article on the giant, I can also speculate that the recommended ground-based vantage points for viewing the giant – a lay-by and a car park off the A352 – have become popular spots for dogging. To read more, see the Wikipedia article Cerne Abbas Giant.

Of course I should make the time to see the giant in person considering he’s less than a two-hour drive away.

Mistress Geo